Thursday, March 10, 2011

Do you and your partner disagree on discipline?

Do you and your partner agree on how to discipline your children or disagree? 

I have found that my husband and myself have huge differences in this area.  Why, I ask myself?  Perhaps , the huge differences in the way we have been raised.  Regardless of the why it presents a problem  for us.  I will be the first to admit that I am more the pushover and less strict parent.  I am a firm be liver that children are children and they are going to make many mistakes along the way.  I just don't think that some of the simple errors in judgement kids make are such a huge deal.  My husband  on the other hand feels that everything you do now effects the way you will act as an adult.  He leaves little room for error.

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 Now, when I say this I am not saying my guy is some monster. Not at all he is a wonderful dad.  In my eyes he is sometimes to 'hard' on them and puts to much pressure on them .  For example grades.  I find B's to be acceptable grades, my husband wants nothing less than an A.  If a B is brought home there is the whole speech about why are you  not doing your best your best is not a B. 

Our children could not be more different in how they react to these situations and the disciplines they will receive.Our oldest child you can simply say I'm not happy with this and shes going to react and try to learn.  She can not stand to be in trouble .   My middle child seems to push the limits at all costs.  He is by no means a bad kid.  He has just been known to make some poor decisions. Our toddler well he is to little to tell as of yet but I believe hes going to give us a run for our money.

My husbands #1 thing is NEVER lie to him.  This said one of our children was basically caught in a lie this week.
Now in my eyes you should always tell the truth but I leave room for wiggle.  I know that the lie was not causing anyone any harm and so I'm more relaxed in how I feel about this matter.  My dear husband on the other hand is furious and feels very disrespected.  He feels that he can no longer trust our child and it is a very big issue in this house right now. 

This just makes me sad, sad for my child who is having growing pains and has made a mistake.  Sad for my husband who is hurt and mad, and sad for me because I feel that I have to get between the two of them and be the referee sort of speak. 

Do not get me wrong I  may be relaxed, but I'm by no means saying I'm letting our kids go nuts and be trouble makers in society. However,  our kids are A-B/ A honor roll students, they have many extracurricular activities, play sports are on student government and are pretty well rounded kids .  I just do not feel that every single thing they do now is going to FOREVER change the way they will be tomorrow.  That people change and grow and that's just part of becoming a young adult.  I feel that they have been very successful thus far in setting goals and obtaining them and along the way have earned some credibility and slack sort of speak.    Don't we all put our parents through the ringer at some point?  Isn't this why teenagers get the poor rep? 

We try to match the consequence or punishment to the action.  However , sometimes that is hard to do.  One thing I have found to be successful is taking away electronics.  Teens love their electronics, but then another question becomes how Long?  I feel the punishment must fit the crime.  If they have broken curfew then they lose the privilege to go out next ti me.  What sort of punishment fits telling a lie?  For grades my husband will usually place them on restriction until they bring something home showing the grade has improved on the next progress/report card.

 With all of this said how do you and your partner discipline?  Are you always on the same page about issues?  What kind of consequences or punishments do you feel are acceptable in your home?  How does the punishment change with age of child?   I would love to hear your views on this matter.  Leave me a comment =)